can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize