He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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