just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
