I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
