my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
