I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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