my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
