Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
