Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Can Purell be used as lube?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
