Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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