There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
