Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
