Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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