White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
