And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
