You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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