By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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