U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
