we have pet lesbian snakes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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