It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
