One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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