it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
