I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
