I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
