she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
