So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
