I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
