We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
