I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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handjob tips. give me some.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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