i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
