Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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