I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
