The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
