God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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