does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
