The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Come on in and take your pants off
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