I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
