I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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