Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
