you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
