ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
