I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
