my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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