I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
