i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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