this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
