She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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