So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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