return my video game
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
