I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
