I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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