how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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