I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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