you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
