and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
