Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my poor anus
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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