I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
