Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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