i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
