I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
