Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
