loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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