Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
