Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
