Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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