i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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