I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
