I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
