I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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