I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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